You know you grew up Jewish when......

You know you grew up Jewish when......

1 - You spent your entire childhood thinking that everyone calls roast beef brisket".

2 - Your family dog responds to complaints uttered in Yiddish.

3 - Every Sunday afternoon of your childhood was spent visiting your grandparents.

4 - You were as tall as your grandmother by the age of seven.

5 - You can look at gefilte fish and not turn green.

6 - Your mother smacked you really hard and continues to make you feel badly for hurting her hand.

7 - You can understand Yiddish but you can't speak it.

8 - You know how to pronounce numerous Yiddish words and use them correctly in context, yet you don't exactly know what they mean. Kenahurra.

9 - You grew up thinking it's normal for someone to shout, "Are you okay? Are you okay?" through the bathroom door if you're in there for longer than 3 minutes.

10 - You have at least six male relatives named David.

11 - You feel a sense of pride after seeing a Stephen Spielberg movie.

12 - You thought that speaking loud was normal.

The 4 Stages of Jewish Exercise

Jewish American Princesses

Two Jewish American Princesses were having lunch. Suzy complained that every time she and her husband Gary had sex, he hollered and yelled when he climaxed. 
Miriam said, "So what's wrong with that?" 
Suzy answered, "He wakes me UP!"

Hymie says to Moishe

Hymie says to Moishe: ‘We’ve been friends for years. I’d do anything for you. If I had two houses I’d give you one.’
‘That’s very kind,’ says Moishe.
‘No problem,’ says Hymie, ‘if I had two cars, I’d give you one.’
‘What if you had two chickens?’ asks Moishe. 
‘You putz,’ says Hymie. ‘You know I’ve got two chickens.